Want to know how to make a Seattle driver's head kerplode?

"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures) 11/02/2016 at 10:45 • Filed to: None

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(there may be more than one right answer)

Just show them this:

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 10:49

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Confirmed. I just drove to work. It was harrowing. They cannot merge, at all, without slamming on their brakes and/or coming to a complete stop.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 11/02/2016 at 10:51

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Same here. At least Google got me around some nasty fusterclucks today, so it didn’t take too long.

spanfucker retire bitch > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 10:52

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Just put them in a car behind the wheel. Isn’t that all it takes?

http://www.seattlerex.com/the-worst-drivers-in-america-a-dissertation/

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > spanfucker retire bitch 11/02/2016 at 10:56

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Ha, I’ve actually read that before, it’s depressingly accurate. The “Seattle Surrender” is a daily occurrence.

nermal > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 10:56

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Just drive past them in your truck!

MUSASHI66 > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 10:56

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Funny how most people always think it is their city that is bad. Driver Es and passing requirements are more or less the same everywhere in the US, hence driver everywhere suck balls. Let’s face it, 99.9% of people use cars to get from A to B, and even car enthusiast turn into them most of the time in the boring, uneventful, rush hour traffic drive to work or home.

I can try to spice things up with my Abarth if there is an opening in the traffic, but those are pretty rare where there are hundreds of people around trying to make it to work while eating breakfast burritos, applying makeup, texting, playing on Facebook or Twitter, and driving 7 under.

spanfucker retire bitch > MUSASHI66 11/02/2016 at 11:02

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I actually don’t think WNY drivers suck. They are, if anything, a little too cautious and too polite (they’ll wave you through intersections even when it’s their turn to go).

Yes, I’ve encountered awful horrible drivers, of course. But on the whole, I consider myself fairly fortunate around here. There isn’t the kind of gridlock you get in large cities and no one is as homocidally aggressive as they are in D.C.

TheHondaBro > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 11:02

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The problem with that is the horrible infrastructure and its inability to handle high-volume traffic. Shit turns competitive. It’s like Mad Max on roads.

TheHondaBro > nermal 11/02/2016 at 11:05

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Seattle is the one place where you’d be shot for driving that truck.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > MUSASHI66 11/02/2016 at 11:09

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Now I’m hungry for a breakfast burrito...

Drivers everywhere do suck, but sometimes they suck in different ways. In NM where I used to live, people drive like aggressive assholes, but at least they’re predictable.

NostalgicCarLife > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 11:10

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The only thing I noticed about Seattle drivers when I visited was that nobody there knows how to use a roundabout, and like 90% of the residential parts of the city have tiny roundabouts every other block.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > TheHondaBro 11/02/2016 at 11:15

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We do have 1960s infrastructure with fast 2010s cars. Our traffic engineers are completely incompetent, too.

I still think the worst drivers in the US are actually in the Salt Lake City metro area. In spite of their exceptionally-modern road infrastructure that rivals some of the best I’ve seen anywhere in the world, massive wide lanes, wide open parking lots, and similar, they are utter garbage drivers. They’re like Seattle drivers in stupidity, but amped up on energy drinks and testosterone. The only worse drivers I’ve seen on equally-modern road infrastructure were in Riyadh.

On the other hand, out of any random 4 cars in Seattle, you’ll have: 1 driven by someone that should have had their license revoked for medical reasons, 1 driven by someone that immigrated from a third world country with zero experience in cars before this (2 if you’re on the east side), and 1 hybrid with a driver that is actively oblivious to reality.

MUSASHI66 > spanfucker retire bitch 11/02/2016 at 11:18

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To me, a very definition of sucking is when someone comes to a 4 way stop, it is their turn to go, and they sit there and wave at me to go. If only they went when they were supposed to, we wouldn’t have to play the whole wave game.

I have simple requirements:

- accelerate from a stop faster than a horse-drawn carriage

- change lanes like you mean it when you have your turn signal on, and don’t take 500 ft to change lanes

- use turn signals

- drive the speed limit or 5 over like a decent human being

- don’t try to squeeze in front of me and cut me off when there is a ton pof space behind me - changing lanes doesn’t have to mean you have to accelerate, you can slow down too.

/rant

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > MUSASHI66 11/02/2016 at 11:22

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WA has special laws that make driving in Seattle much worse than it is elsewhere. We license people that would not be licensable in other states...

TheHondaBro > MUSASHI66 11/02/2016 at 11:26

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To me, a very definition of sucking is when someone comes to a 4 way stop, it is their turn to go, and they sit there and wave at me to go. If only they went when they were supposed to, we wouldn’t have to play the whole wave game.

You know what’s worse? In a parking lot, when your road has the stop signs and the other doesn’t, and you stop to let traffic pass, only to have the White Knight on the other road stop to let you go. JUST FUCKING GO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > NostalgicCarLife 11/02/2016 at 11:31

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Those aren’t really proper roundabouts, they’re more traffic-calming measures (what’s really scary are the sections of south Seattle where nearly every intersection is uncontrolled and they don’t plant those ghetto-roundabouts in the middle of them).

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 11:40

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Another thing worth mentioning is that the drivers in the area are dangerously passive-aggressive. If they feel you’re doing something they don’t like, regardless of legality, they will do really dangerous things to try to stop you. The most obvious example of this is the left-lane-hogging at SpeedLimit - rand(5,10) (they have made grand announcements about cops cracking down on the news, but I still haven’t seen it actively enforced), which means at least 80% of passes you do here will be on the right.

Spaceball-Two > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 11:43

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THIS. Every f%cking day. Also, it’s raining “EVERYONE PANIC!”

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Spaceball-Two 11/02/2016 at 11:44

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Even though it’s been raining for 15 days straight!

Spaceball-Two > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 11:45

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It’s always raining here. Learn to drive in the muck or get off the road. God help us all if we actually get snow this winter.

Mid Engine > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 11:46

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You cannot, under any circumstances, ask a Seattleite to be decisive. They simply don’t want to be put into a decision making mode so they defer, and the deference by default is to do nothing. Merging is downright comical.

So what does our esteemed government do? Install electronic tolls on I405 presumably for those of us who are willing to pay to get where we’re going in a reasonable amount of time. In theory that ought to work, except many of the drivers are going 40mph in the express toll lanes while they chat on their phones, oblivious to what’s going on around them while they arrange car pool schedules for their kiddies soccer practices. God help us, they’re gonna teach their kids how to drive, truly the blind teaching the blind.

The traffic in and around Seattle is hands down the worst I’ve ever seen. Daily.

Dean Beyer > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 12:07

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My head explodes every damn day here. I want a bullhorn so I can scream, “IF YOU’RE TOO AFRAID TO DRIVE ON THE FREEWAY THEN STAY OFF THE GOD DAMNED FREEWAY!”

JDIGGS > MUSASHI66 11/02/2016 at 12:37

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I agree Washington is one of the worst. I swear everyone is just incredibly stoned. Olympia is a joke when it comes to driving and paying attention. No real concern for other people or efficiency, no respect for the fast lane. Oregon is worse though. Despite bagging on California people in OR are so selfish and self centered they just drive in the fast lane at whatever speed they want and when their little brains remember it’s their exit they fly across alll lanes of traffic with no warning.

Everyone loves to hate California the supporter of the entire nations welfare programs but I do believe we have evolved when it comes to average human ability to navigate traffic. We are so packed on the freeways you have no choice but to accept your fate is in your fellow mans hands and everyone is required to work somewhat together. You don’t get the opportunity to be a distracted twit here or you will end up in an accident the first day.

NostalgicCarLife > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 11/02/2016 at 13:06

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They’re still treated the same way, you have to yeild to cars already in the circle. But apparently a lot of drivers don’t know this.

Seattle’s streets are a mess though. I really hate that you never know which corner of the intersection is going to have the streetsign, which makes it near impossible to find your way around.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 13:10

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Surprisingly, people here are not the worst offenders for this one, it’s Maineiacs. Anywhere within about 10-20 miles of the coast in Maine you will encounter this everywhere. When I first experienced this, I was on vacation from SoCal, so it was a painful shock and that might have colored by experience, but they stop in the middle of the road for no apparent reason all the time (they also do this weird thing where they stop, look everywhere, then turn, which means you encounter that much more mysterious stopping).

MUSASHI66 > TheHondaBro 11/02/2016 at 13:44

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YES!

MUSASHI66 > JDIGGS 11/02/2016 at 13:46

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California might be OK now as most of them have moved to Colorado and are sucking as drivers here!

Snow on the road!

Rain!

Fog!

Anything but sunny and 85 degrees?!

“I have to drive as an idiot today”

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 11/02/2016 at 16:04

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Still topical:

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > JDIGGS 11/02/2016 at 16:15

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You have a point there. I hate going to Portland. I’m not sure it’s quite as infuriating on the road due to other drivers, though. More the ultra-entitled pedestrians. The drivers do suck, but I don’t think they’re at the same level as Seattle (mind you, Portland doesn’t have the level of diversity and quite as high of salaries, which I think tempers the traffic a little bit - you don’t have Aarav, 33, having first drove a car 2 weeks ago when he was in driver’s training that was taught in Hindi, with his 4-day-old license driving an Audi S6 with a lead foot).

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > MUSASHI66 11/02/2016 at 16:19

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CA is just massively congested. Good CA drivers mostly started decades ago and taught the youth to drive better. The problem is that the old timers are so diluted in some areas that they’re as bad as some other places (the SGV where I grew up has large swaths that are nothing but SE Asian immigrants that rarely, if ever, encounter someone born in the US). The only upside is that CA probably has the best traffic engineers in the country, possibly the world.